Spicy AI Reads Minds for Estate Agents

In a shocking development set to shake the property industry to its foundations, it has been revealed that some estate agents in the UK are secretly using advanced AI technology to read the minds of potential home buyers.

The AI technology is said to be so advanced it can predict what a person wants from a home with startling accuracy.

According to a leaked document from the Ethical Investigation team from the Federation of Original Language, unscrupulous estate agents have been attaching hidden AI-powered listening devices to their clothing.

They then use the data they collect to analyse the thoughts and desires of home buyers and renters who they have met or spoken with over the phone.

They revealed more: “We were gobsmacked that agents would and could do this. It is the brainchild of reclusive Dutch billionaire and tech investor Simone Bale, and according to the leaked report, the software has been called Aimee Spice.

“The name is derived from it being artificial intelligence and that it knows what people want, what they really, really want. We won’t be using it as we think it’s highly unethical and will make people feel foolish.”

Here are just a few examples of Aimee’s mind-reading capabilities:

1. It can tell if you’re looking for a fixer-upper. If you’re the type of person who loves a challenge and wants to put your own stamp on a property, Aimee will pick up on this and suggest properties that need a bit of work.

2. She, we mean it, can identify if you’re a fan of open-plan living. If you’re someone who loves the feeling of space and hates being cooped up, the AI will suggest properties that have open-plan living areas, so you can spread out and breathe easy.

3. The technology can even tell if you secretly want a home cinema. If you’re the type of person who loves nothing more than snuggling up with a good movie, it will pick up on this and suggest properties with dedicated cinema rooms, so you can live out your dreams of being a movie star.

While this technology may seem like something out of a science fiction film, it is already apparently being used by some estate agents to gain an edge over their rivals.

Local resident Jerry Bryans said: “Who knows what they might be able to pick up from your thoughts? And what if they introduce a version that allows your spouse or partner or even your boss to read your mind?!”

So, if you’re planning on moving home in the near future, be sure to keep an eye out for any suspicious-looking estate agents pressing their collars (to activate hidden Aimee devices).